Never ignore someone that loves you,
cares about you,
and misses you.
Because one day you'll wake up from your sleep and realize that you miss the moon while counting the stars. -----but what if you know that you've already lost the moon, and you're not sure how to get it back. Or if you even should? Because it was more than counting stars that made the moon lost, so much more; and you knew before that you had the moon and never wanted to give it up in the first place. But now you're left without the moon, and the stars aren't enough to fill the void for someone that gave so much light in your life. All I see are pieces of the moon now, never the whole picture. They say I deserve better, but I don't want better, all I want is you.
You were my moon, the stars, and the vast up and below. I remember looking up into the sky and seeing the moon, and thinking how comforting it was to know that you and I could be together by seeing the same great big light. But now that whenever I see the moon, I remember what you told her, how you loved her more than all of the stars in the sky, and all I could think of was, "What was I?" Now it's just as though I wander through life waiting for something to happen to help pick me up from abandon.
In abandon, I'll hole into a bunker of safety, constructing a wall of protection and force, creating doubt and mistrust to those who could possibly be perfectly good people. Because of you I can't trust anyone the way I trusted you. It was a matter of desire and knowing that I loved you, and could never live without you living in the world somehow.
I still count the days since we ended, and stopped talking.
I still remember the date that I met you, November 16, 2009.
I remember the day you said good-bye, September 19, 2010.
I remember you in Portland,
I remember you in California.
I remember your smell, your touch, your face, your warmth.
I remember the day you became engaged to her, and the day that I found out that you began seeing her in mid July.
I remember meeting her in June. That same week we spent so much time together.
I remember stealing kisses from you every time I had to take out the recycling.
I remember sitting with you on the beach staring into the ocean.
I remember the last time I had to say good-bye to you in person; how it was so heartbreakingly sad the next day, because I ached to hold you and see you again.
I still feel that pain in my heart, like my ribs are being compressed and my heart is going to jump out of my body just so it can be next to you again.
I remember seeing a project where there were two glowing hearts, and it was for two people in love who were separated....how just holding it and thinking about one another will remind them of their own existence. I remember crying after I saw it, and couldn't talk for three hours afterward.
I remember being at a wedding, and all I wanted was to have you there.
I hate the middle of July because of what happened.
I hate Halloween and the week before my birthday because I know those are the most heartbreaking.
I remember when I saw you in the airport, how suddenly I got so scared and felt like running away; but then I saw you and couldn't help but smile and hold you.
I remember sleeping with you and how I wish I could be there next to you all the time. How those moments when it was just the two of us, I would never trade for any amount of money.
I still cry when I really think about you. Do you still think about me?
I think I can say that I've thought about you every single day since I've met you.
I will never forget you. I will never stop loving you. I will never not care about you.
I will never stop you, I will let you go and run.
I will cherish every moment we had, as a sacred thing, left to be in my T.A.Z moment.
